I get a rush out of discovering messages that God has for me. Most recently, I’ve been listening to him talk to me about the past, present, and future and what I should take from each one of those.
My neighbor has been with me through this entire marital separation - from me being an angry mess back in September to me being a reflective woman developing a new relationship with God starting in December. She’s prayed for me every step of the way, and a few weeks ago she came to my door with a stack of books for me to read. I’m in the middle of the second one, entitled The Present, but I couldn’t wait to finish the book before I started reflecting on God’s message for me because of a similar message I received this morning at church.
Ben Thomas spoke today at the Orchard, and although he’s a good and talented man, I’m always slightly disappointed when somebody other than Scott gets up on that stage and starts speaking. Today was no different. But thank God today for Ben.
Before I talk about what Ben said, let me give you a little background on the book The Present. The book talks about a young man looking for “a present” that is not an actual physical gift but the gift of living in the moment. It takes this young man years and years to discover it, but once he does, he’s disappointed to find that although living in the moment is a gift in and of itself, one cannot live solely in the present and live a fulfilling life. One must also take a look at past experiences and learn from them, and then one must also look into the future and plan for what he wants. While reading this short book, I was reminded of the importance of appreciating the present, but I was also validated in my efforts of learning from mistakes and planning for the future without those mistakes. The ending of the book is likely to allow me more time to process this information as well as allow me to apply the information to my current difficult situation.
So this morning, Ben presented Psalm 126 to his listeners. The entire Psalm is 6 verses but packed with invisible messages that, at first glance, I didn’t get. The verses begin with the idea of remembering something that happened in the past. After a few verses, the idea moves into present moment, and by the end, the reader is assured that present moment suffering and tears shed allows for future rewards. Ben explained that if we can take this and apply it to what God has done and is doing for us, it would make more sense. He had us remember what God has done for us in the past, think about something currently that is not working in our lives, and then envision how we would like things to look in the future.
Hearing this same message twice in one week reinforced what I’ve been hearing from God over and over and over again, and that is to trust that he is handling things for me. He never tells me what he is handling or how he is working. Just that he is handling things, and he guides me to certain behaviors here and there to help me with decisions that will impact me in the future.
God has been using my past decisions to help me make choices about things happening right now, but I forgot how important it is to really appreciate everything and look for the good in what is happening at this present moment - even if tragedy seems to be surrounding me. There are good things that are happening. He has healed some things that have been broken in me for years so that I can accept what others choose with grace and then continue healing. But one thing that God has told me is to stay steadfast on my path because without this path, no matter how things end, I would never forgive myself if I didn’t at least give everything and try everything that I could to salvage my marriage.
So I am. And I will. And I know that the tears that I shed today will reap a harvest like no other in my future, and my past mistakes will help me to plan for an amazing and prosperous life ahead. I trust him. I trust his plan.
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