I've had a Bible in my home for forty-two years, and I'm embarrassed to say how little I actually know about the contents of that book! For example, am I the only one who didn't know that the Lord's Prayer is actually in there twice? And that there are tons of references from the New to the Old Testament? I read the book through when I was in elementary school, and I'm pretty sure I gained nothing from that experience.
Today's discovery was another mis-interpreted verse. Ephesians 5:26 says " Be angry and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath. I don't know about any of you, but I was under the assumption that this verse spoke about those days when I was a royal grump and picked fights with everybody - that at the end of the day if I hadn't apologized and tried to make amends that I needed to do that before I went to bed. The old Don't go to bed angry rule.
But this morning as I was reading, it dawned on me that the verse before it stated Therefore put away lying, each one speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Those verses aren't about making sure that when my head hits the pillow I've dissolved my anger. They're about making sure that I don't go to bed WITHOUT expressing my anger to the receiver of the anger. That each day when I went to bed with bitterness and resentment toward somebody (mainly my husband), I was committing a sin. THIS is why I was so depressed, anxious, angry, and bitter. This is why I was alone even thought I was surrounded by people. THIS is why I searched everywhere but where I needed to search.
And this is why I am getting divorced.
God's Word speaks to me today, and I am learning day by day what I will do for my relationships from here on out. Honesty doesn't just mean to not lie. It means to speak truth, even when the truth may hurt someone. Just because it hurts doesn't mean it will harm, and often times if you avoid hurting somebody, in the long run . . . it will harm your relationship. Best to get it out in the open and hash through it. That was my mistake. I was afraid that I'd lose him if I said anything. I put my husband before myself and God. That was my error.
Never again. Learn from this, friends. And follow Ephesians 5:25-26.
Namaste.
So true, my friend. I let the bitterness dwell inside because I didn't want to express it, but it came out in the end after all. Emotions have a way of compiling and coming out at the most inopportune times.
ReplyDeleteYes. True story. Hugs mama.
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