Wrongful Suffering

For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.”  1 Peter 2:19-22

Jesus was sinless, and yet He suffered worst if all. In order to be like Christ, unjustified suffering in a His name may be on the docket for my life. Know that this is the walk of a follower of Christ and you WILL be rewarded. This reminds me of a situation I’m am currently in with a friend who has had so few positive encounters without Christian people. I know God has called on me to be a witness, but some of the jabs and accusations toward my faith make me weary. I need to be patient, endure, and reflect the love of Christ always.

Joyce Meyer says in her book Battlefield of the Mind, “It is not suffering that glorifies God, but a godly attitude in suffering that pleases Him and brings glory to Him.”

1 Peter 2:19-20 reminds me that there is a reason for the suffering, and that God’s plan is sovereign to the end. My patience is required to achieve His goal and to give Him glory.

Dr. Dobson quotation on accepting your partners flaws

“Change what can be altered, explain what can be understood, teach what can be learned, revise what can be improved, resolve what can be settled, and negotiate what is open to compromise.

Then determine to accept the rest.” ~Dr. James Dobson

Overwhelming Sovereignty - Acts 23

I am overwhelmed by God's sovereignty this morning. As I closed my Bible and blew out a long breath, I knew I had to go downstairs to get my laptop so that I could write this blog about what I am feeling after what I just read. But I didn't want to - for fear that the feeling would dissipate before I got back upstairs.

I just read Acts 23.

The apostle Paul's story reminds me of mine in some ways - he committed ultimate acts of complete and utter horror against God in his early life, endorsing the murder of Christ followers and standing firm on his belief that Jesus was not the Messiah. Until one day . . .

Isn't that how it always goes? All is well . . . until one day . . .

Similar to my life. All was well. Until one day when it wasn't. Wasn't. Because I had committed acts of sin after sin after sin against God. Turning my eyes toward myself instead of heaven. Following myself instead of Jesus. Thinking of myself instead of others. Self. Self. Self. All in the name of being mindful and good and helpful and (supposedly) caring. Paul was the same.

One day Jesus appeared to him in a brilliant light - so brilliant he was blinded for days afterward. And then his life changed. He believed.

After that one encounter on his way to Damascus, Paul's entire focus moved from self to God. God ordered him to travel to the provinces of the Roman empire and spread the Gospel news, and he was fearful that after he had spent so much time killing those whose views he now shared, he wouldn't be received. But God had been busy preparing hearts and told him to go. You can't really argue with God - I mean, look what happened when Jonah did. He ended up in the belly of a big fish for three days! Gross! God says, "You're gonna do it my way, or you're gonna do it my way. You choose."

So Paul went. Did he encounter adversity while doing God's work? Yes! Did he end up in jail a time or two? Yep. Did God tell him to keep going? He sure did. And Paul went. And thousands upon thousands of people became followers of Christ because of the work of this one sinner.

His story gets better though! Paul returns to Jerusalem, but not without warnings that his reception is not going to be pretty. Many Jews there are not happy with him. It's at this point where I'm not sure if God had been telling him to turn around and go to Rome straight away (Paul had received warnings by several Spirit filled messengers not to go to Jerusalem) or if Paul needed to go by way of centurion guard for some reason (I haven't finished Acts, but I will in a few days). Regardless, Paul did not heed the warnings and went to Jerusalem where he was taken into custody. It isn't until this point in the book where we really get to know Paul, though.

Honestly, I find the man amusing. He's so outspoken about his walk with the Lord, but do we really know THE Paul of Tarsus? No. Not really. Until he starts bla-bla-ing about his Roman citizenship, we think he is just another Jewish guy who got fed up with all this Jesus-talk and started working to put a stop to it. Paul doesn't reveal his Roman citizenship until the group of Jews who refuse to receive the Gospel beat him him (he'd already been stoned once in Acts 14 and left for dead, and then he just gets up and walks away), and he is rescued by centurion soldiers. The Jews are screaming for him to be killed, but the commander isn't really sure what to do with him. Roman's don't abide by Jewish law, and this was clearly a matter for Jewish leadership, not Roman government. And then Paul drops a bombshell on the commander. "Is it lawful for you to scourge a man who is a Roman, and uncondemned?" (Acts 22:25).

I can actually see the blood drain from the commander's face. The commander responds that it is expensive to become a Roman citizen, to which Paul replies that he was born a citizen (cue dramatic music). For those of you who don't know (and I didn't either, so don't feel bad. I had to research this bit of information), apparently those men (I say men because women didn't share all of the same privileges) with Roman citizenship get special privileges that non citizens do not get. For one - they are protected by the government and get to participate in this "self-government". They get to own property. AND they cannot be beaten, whipped, or sentenced to death.

Paul chose NOW to reveal this? Oh such a smart man. The fact that he chose this particular time to reveal his Roman citizenship was nothing short of the sovereignty of God. If he had traveled the provinces as a Roman preaching to Jews and Gentiles alike, his status may have hindered God's work. But God wasn't done with Paul yet, so it was at this time that He allowed Paul to make his Roman citizenship known. So the commander bound him in chains, not sure what to do with him, because he knew if he let Paul go, the Jews would kill him.

And right he was. After some witty remarks to the chief priest (scholars disagree on whether Paul was too blind to recognize him or whether he was making sarcastic jabs at the priests behavior), a band of forty Jews vowed to neither eat or drink until they killed Paul. I'm guessing they died of thirst and starvation because their plot was intercepted by Paul's nephew who went to the commander. At this point I think the commander was just done. He sent Paul, armed with a letter and two hundred soldiers to the governor who put Paul up in Herod's castle. And that's where I finished today.

But here's the kicker. God wanted Paul to go to Rome and spread the Gospel there. Jesus came to him at night (maybe in a dream? maybe not) and told him that he would be going to Rome. He just didn't realize it would be a chaperoned visit and that it would put him into Herod's palace first (Herod lived in Jerusalem, not Rome). It's kind of like in today's society - many random people don't have any social status or power to speak until they end up getting arrested or in the news for some reason. Maybe Paul needed a little boost for his ministry. Maybe he was disobedient and should have never gone back to Jerusalem in the first place. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

I couldn't help but look ahead, and sure enough, Paul makes it to Rome. His ultimate destination, according to the will of God. It took him years, but doesn't that happen frequently? By some miracle from God, with all of the dumb things we do, God allows us to decide how we are going to get where he wants us to be. He urges us and whispers to us, but ultimately we choose. Our choices make our story and our witness come alive. And sometimes it takes years.

Paul used his story over and over and over again to share the Gospel message. He was the ultimate sinner in his own eyes. I see that in myself. I defiled so many sacred rules, spoke against God, worshiped my own idols. Because of this, I can hopefully reach people who have done the same. Because of Paul's sin, he could connect with others who had chosen similar paths. Because of God's sovereignty, Paul was in the right place at the right time connecting with the right people. And because of this, his work - God's ultimate work - saved thousands.

Does the book of Acts call for socialism? I'm about to lose some more friends I think . . .

Let me just start this blog out right away by saying I'm not a republican. Nor am I a democrat. I am simply a woman who has prayed for understanding and for wisdom while making her way through life with a Bible in her hand. Recently I married a man whose entire being screams republican. I always identified as a democrat until our last election when both parties made me want to be sick with their immature back-and-forth. I see how terribly ridiculous Americans must look to other countries as tweets fly and scandals and cover-ups occur - and innocent people are used as pawns in this life-game of chess. It is at this time when I wonder when our entire country is just going to implode because of the greed and selfishness on every side.

This week I was brought to the book of Acts in the New Testament of the Bible. I've been wandering around the Old Testament since August, so I was grateful when I was pulled to a NT book. It took me one day, however, to start questioning why I was led to Acts.

One thing that jumped out at me pretty much immediately (Acts chapter 2) was the report of followers of Christ selling all of their possessions and giving them up to be distributed among those followers who were in need. It happens again in Acts 4, and this time I was seriously disturbed because I thought - well, this seems like scripture that a socialist could use to sway believers to their cause for socialism (or democratic socialism as we are calling it here in the good ol' US of A). But, even with my limited amount of history knowledge (I only minored in history for my undergrad), socialism didn't really work out for many countries because the scales tip too far left. What was I missing?

Here's the difference between what happened in the Bible and what is happening now. In Acts chapter 2 & 4, the people who were inspired to sell all of their possessions and bring them to the apostles to be distributed to those in need did so because they were filled with the Spirit of God and were drawn to helping their brothers in Christ. They did so of their own free will because their spirits of selfishness, envy, and greed were dissolved, and they no longer found satisfaction in worldly possessions. They chose to work together with other believers because God became their main source of life and happiness, and they broke free of their worldly desires.

It happens, friends. I've experienced a shift on a much smaller scale (yep, I still own a house and a car). The freedom is un-explainable.

Today's society, unless set free by God's perfect love, has no chance of surviving this forced compassion. Greedy people don't want to give up their things for others who are just as greedy - just less fortunate. Don't get me wrong, I'm not labeling 100% of the people in our country as greedy. But look around, friends. Look in the mirror. We all possess this ugly spirit of greed. There are things we just don't want to give up. Democrat, republican, independent, green, whatever party you want to identify with - there is not one political party who can claim selflessness - unless you're a party of one - Jesus Christ.

The difference between what we see in the time directly after Christ was resurrected and what we are seeing today is that (and if you read the book you'll understand this) is that there is no difference. This compassion and socialistic attitude happened WITHIN the body of Christ. Within the church! No WAY were the Jewish priests and leaders giving up THEIR possessions to help those less fortunate, and no WAY were any of the non-believing Romans doing it either! Today we see people within our church walls doing things for others with their time, talents, and money because God commands us to do so, and we know that through this giving we are more blessed than with our possessing. All of what we own has been given to us by our Father anyway, so giving it back or away is our duty, not our gift to others.

I'm selfish. I don't always give, and I certainly don't always WANT to give, but I, just like most of my brothers and sisters in Christ, am growing and learning. Like I said - it's not about politics, it's about love. It's not about being obligated or forced to have compassion for others. It's about God's commandment to care for His people. We have taken God out of the country's equation - even to the point of changing the pledge to the flag of this once-great country so that God no longer stands above it. Why in the world would we think that He is going to protect us if we cannot even honor Him while we pledge our lives to a piece of cloth? It has become no longer about Him, but about us. Because of this, no matter what we do or how we say it - we can't fake compassion for others. Period.

For there is no fear in love - and weight loss

1 John 4:18 says there is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out fear. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

I spent forty-one years of my life riddled with fear. My journey out of that abyss has been a long and treacherous one. I keep stumbling and falling backwards, but I’m slowly moving forward. Yesterday I discovered that something as trivial as weight loss can have remnants of fear attached to it. Not one experience I have had with weight loss (since I was ten) had a positive spin to it. Every time I struggled to lose weight or maintain weight lost, it was done out of fear that I would disappoint somebody else’s goals. That they would stop loving me or be disappointed in me because I was fat.

Yesterday my counselor brought this to my attention. She suggested that I haven’t been able to lose the weight because, for the first time in my life, I feel loved without that condition! And I cried in my car for fifteen minutes. Out of relief that I hadn’t lost my will and my drive. Out of anger for being stuck in that fearful mindset. Out of pain. Because I now know that I have allowed myself to be held prisoner to other people’s standards. Never had I ever lost weight out of obedience to God and out of pure respect for my temple.

I’m guessing it won’t be easier, but this is one more layer for me. The fear layer is being peeled back because the lie has been uncovered. God loves me. My sweet husband loves me. My babies love me. Two hundred pounds or one hundred twenty-five. I need to come up with a different excuse to be disobedient and disrespectful to my health. Or I need to lean into God’s love, fill those areas of fear with it, and let Him guide me through it.

Just one woman's journey through Isaiah (part 1 - background and chapter 1)

By the time I had decided that I should do it, God had been on me to read the book of Isaiah from start to finish. The Bible is a tough book to read, and the book of Isaiah is a very daunting undertaking - so I ignored His whispers until I found myself without a study and starving for His words and wisdom. That's when I made the commitment to read the book. Two days after my forty-fourth birthday, I started on August 26.

I started by reading the pages of introductory material in my NKJV. Although it isn't the easiest translation to read, I've been a bit nerdy about study, and I knew that it is more of a "serious study" translation, and that's what I've been trying to do - seriously study. I used about six other translations to help with deciphering the material, and I purchased a monthly subscription to my Bible app, which came with dozens of commentaries and study material to really help if I struggled - which I did. I also decided to use the COMA method of study presented by Pastor Jim Nicodem from Christ Community Church because it was methodical, and I like methodical.

And I began. I knew very little about the book when I started:

• I knew that Isaiah prophesied during King Hezekiah's reign (I only knew that because I read it in a novel about King Hezekiah.)
• I knew that the book itself was controversial as to when it was actually written until the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered, and yet people still argue about whether Isaiah is a faulty book in the old testament.
• I knew that it was LONG.
• I also knew that if you compare the book of Isaiah to the Bible as a whole, the book of Isaiah is a good summary of the Bible from cover to cover (Creation-Fall-Redemption-Restoration).

And that's about it.

Oh, and I also knew it was daunting. And poetry. Most of it was written in poetic form - for which I lack an appreciation and understanding. Needless to say, I was not looking forward to the task at hand, but when God starts on you about something, He doesn't stop, and then when you finally follow through, He blesses you. Which he did.

So I'll start today's blog with a tiny introduction to the book of Isaiah before I dig into the meat and potatoes of it. If you're a reader or study-er of God's word, you pick it up for a variety of reasons. I'm an application and logic gal, so I like to know how the reading connects to things. That being said, that's going to be my approach to this blog series.

So. The book of Isaiah. The Assyrian Empire was in it's third stage and had spread over the land and was taking over kingdoms as it grew. The Assyrian army was barbaric during it strongest point - around 900 BC to 600 BC - and Isaiah lived and prophesied during some of the most barbaric and chaotic periods of that time - the last half. From what I have gathered from several sources, the Assyrians would conquer kingdoms brutally and plunder them OR make peace with them and require the rulers of these kingdoms to pay a substantial tribute to the Assyrians. During Isaiah's lifetime, Judah had fallen under Assyrian tribute law. We start in chapter one where Isaiah is called to do God's work.

The first chapter, after Isaiah accepts his position as prophet, he immediately sets to work explaining that Jerusalem is in trouble. God's people have taken him to the end of His patience, and He's about to dish out some discipline to get their attention. By the end of this chapter, however, God's promise to deliver His people comes into play again, and we see that the enemy's plan to completely wipe out the bloodline of Christ will not come to fruition. God remembers His promise to Abraham. He can see our hearts. He will deliver those whose hearts remain pure.

As a mom, this brings me to tears. I am a forty-four year old woman who, after living a life of shame and rebellion and being set free from all of that, still can't get it right. I lose my Jesus on my children. I eat too many Reeces peanut butter cups. I harbor resentment. And yet God knows my heart. I pray daily that my heart is clean, that God will forgive me, and that I can be one of His chosen ones that He delivers. Through this prayer I know that He forgives me, and I pray that the next day will be better, and that I will invite Him to help me make better choices with my kids, my health, and my life.

The next installment of this series will move forward through a series of chapters. Isaiah's first thirty-nine chapters made me want to pull my hair out. By chapter fifteen I wanted to cry thinking that I was going to have to read sixty-six chapters of sin, death, and destruction. And yet the entire story wrapped up so beautifully by chapter fifty-nine (which, to me, was the climactic chapter), it actually took my breath away to conclude with God's grace. 

Remember, this is just one woman's journey through this book. I encourage you to take your own journey through it as you read through my revelations. I pray you are as blessed as I have been to be called to read this part of God's word. Much love to you.

Seek Him in the quiet. Keep him in the Chaos.

This is a beautiful illustration of how we seek God in the busyness and chaos of our lives when in all actuality we have to STOP the chaos to hear. He speaks to us, but we have to stop and listen. Very difficult when you’re in the midst of disaster, trauma, chaos, or severe anxiety/depression. This is why practicing while you’re in a better state is so important. Practice makes perfect. If you can connect while things are good, you have a better chance of staying connected while life is crumbling around you.

Does this mean there’s no hope if you’re seeking in the midst of disaster? Absolutely not. What it means is that you might need to hit a place where chaos gets so out of control it leaves you in a heap in the floor as it walks away, dusting off its hands in temporary triumph. Then, and only then, does it get quiet enough to hear God’s voice of comfort, forgiveness, and mercy.

Never again will I leave myself open for disconnection. #stayconnected

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord , but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 1 Kings 19:11-12