These gifts

This voice.
This voice that I’ve been gifted I give back to you, oh Lord.
Take it and make it sing your praises because I cannot.

These fingers.
These fingers that I’ve been gifted I give back to you, oh Lord.
Take them and make them play for you because I cannot.

These words.
These words that I’ve been gifted I give back to you, oh Lord.
Take them and make them speak about you because I cannot.

Your gifts.
Your gifts I am not worthy to even imagine possessing,
and yet - when I receive them and give them back to you

I sing.
          I play.
                    I write.

For you. I am yours. Here I am. Send me, Lord.

Quotations on inner beauty

Last night Pastor Jim Nicodem delivered a message that hit me so hard. Here are a few quotations that I took from his message.

“I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14

“When the Holy Spirit lives within you it is impossible to be unattractive.” Jim Nicodem

And a question to ponder...
“Do I spend more time and effort working on my external appearance or my internal character?”

Armor of God in relationships

In finishing up the book of Ephesians today, I questioned Paul's placement of his wisdom on marriage (the end of chapter five describes husband and wife relationships as a metaphor for how Christ and the church should be intertwined), parent and child, and then slave to master. Directly after delivering this message, he describes the armor of God and how it should be used by believers.

So I sat with this for a while, and as I did, I started to realize that our most challenging relationships in our lives are probably our marital relationship, our relationships with our children/parents, and the relationships we have with our superiors or those who work under us. Paul's description of bond-servant or slave to master can certainly be applied to our workplace relationships.

In sitting with the message this morning, another revelation occured to me - in each of these messages, he sets the stage for the topic by saying "just as you would obey Christ" or "in the Lord" or "out of reverence for Christ". In the VERY FIRST SENTENCE of each, Paul is reminding us that putting the Lord first will direct our steps and guide us in better relationships with one another.

Verses 10-20 in chapter six are my ultimate guide verses - my life verses right after Romans 5:8. If you can remember what these verses say, you can fight a serious war. In these verses, Paul describes each piece of God's armor, and his placement of these sentences was so pointed and clear after meditating on them and seeking wisdom.

I am dealing with some serious relationship trauma at the moment. I have endured the pain of laying firm boundaries, causing pain to people I never wanted to hurt because they cannot honor or respect those boundaries, and enduring horrid verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse because of it. Yesterday I was reciting the armor of God for the one millionth time, and I remembered I am not fighting against humans. They've become pawns in the enemy's beautifully-constructed plan to tear them and me down. It happens in marriages. It happens between parents and children. And I am the first to admit that it happened to me over and over and over again as a person in the workplace. And I lost EVERY SINGLE TIME.

But not this time, satan. Not this time. You can tear apart my family. You can cause trouble with my children. You can cause me to leave my job because I was convinced that every boss I had didn't know what they were doing. But I see what you're doing now. And I am putting on that armor and will fight FOR them with Jesus by my side. My choice to put Christ first before my husband, my children, my parents, my siblings, my grandchild, my employers - that is a conscious decision that I can see and feel has pissed off the enemy more than I am probably even aware. He has moved on to hacking away at other parts of my life, but I will not give up. I am putting on my Helmet of Salvation and my Belt of Truth. I'm tucking my feet into my shoes of the Gospel of Peace and putting on my Breastplate of Righteousness. With my Sword of the Spirit and my Shield of Faith, I'm ready for action.

Bring it on. Satan, you will not steal my joy and my peace by ripping at my family. You will not destroy me. And I pray constantly that my family and friends can feel my prayers reaching them - can feel the peace that God provides through faith. If only I could make them feel it for even five minutes so that they could understand why I have such big faith - they would understand the peace that surpasses all understanding and turn their face toward God. My Father. My protector. My provider. My peace.

Gratitude in dark times

Did you know that the apostle Paul wrote the books of Ephesians and Philippians while he was in prison? And the first chapter in the book of Ephesians goes on and on about how grateful Paul is for the people of Ephasus.

I don't know about you, but if I were in prison, I'm not sure I would be feeling very grateful. And yet I have a former student Brandon who has been in prison for over fifteen years. Often when I receive letters from him, you can hear his gratitude in his experiences as he encourages me in all that I'm trying to do here. Me. The lady who can come and go as she pleases, get in a car and drive away, go to Walmart or eat an Oreo whenever she wants. This kid is encouraging ME.

What is wrong with this picture? Nothing. He has found his gratitude in everything that he does though Christ. And I'm over here complaining because somebody ate the last piece of whole wheat bread . . .

Paul chose to serve the Ephesians, even in his dark time of imprisonment. Through this choice of gratitude and serving, he found his peace in Christ. Brandon also finds his peace through serving and gratitude. What a model of Christ's character! Such good lessons to learn on this Mother's Day. Blessings.

Competition to better oneself

Yesterday Chief Kristen Ziman spoke at the graduation ceremony for the new Aurora recruits along with other recruits from all over the state. Her message was both vulnerable and witty, and I took away something that I, myself, struggle with. I guess it was nice to know that a woman of her status and power struggles with this as well. She said that early in her career as an LEO she had to stop competing with others and start competing with herself. 

This morning in my read of Battlefield of the Mind, Joyce Meyers said this: “...there is no such thing as real peace until we are delivered from the need to compete with others.” 

Although these messages have similar meaning, one promotes competition, just with oneself. The other just lets it go. 

During my first career, I competed with others to become the best at what I did. I was envious, jealous, bitter, and ruthless at times. I competed with myself to become better at what I did. I was never satisfied. Then one day as I watched my life go up in flames I finally just gave it all up and started serving others because that’s what God had been wanting me to do. In His industry. Not mine. Doing what He wanted me to do. Not me. I work in a capacity that is humbling for a zillion reasons. None of my fancy education matters. None of my professional development attendance, conference-going, speech-giving, data collecting, resource collecting, blogging, and spouting-off matters. Now I do my fair share of competing with myself, but with God’s blessing only. And I am happy. 

Comparing oneself to anybody else can lead to dissatisfaction within. Be content with who you are. Learn. Grow. Make your mistakes. Pick yourself back up. Stick close to God through it all. Don’t stay in a state of constant competition where you completely give up yourself to enhance yourself. It’s unhealthy. It makes you sad. And once you achieve your goal, the satisfaction is temporary before you’re off being miserable and working hard toward the next one. 

You do you. Be you. That’s what the Chief did. That’s what I’m doing. Be God’s. Let Him take care of the rest. 

Wrongful Suffering

For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.”  1 Peter 2:19-22

Jesus was sinless, and yet He suffered worst if all. In order to be like Christ, unjustified suffering in a His name may be on the docket for my life. Know that this is the walk of a follower of Christ and you WILL be rewarded. This reminds me of a situation I’m am currently in with a friend who has had so few positive encounters without Christian people. I know God has called on me to be a witness, but some of the jabs and accusations toward my faith make me weary. I need to be patient, endure, and reflect the love of Christ always.

Joyce Meyer says in her book Battlefield of the Mind, “It is not suffering that glorifies God, but a godly attitude in suffering that pleases Him and brings glory to Him.”

1 Peter 2:19-20 reminds me that there is a reason for the suffering, and that God’s plan is sovereign to the end. My patience is required to achieve His goal and to give Him glory.

Dr. Dobson quotation on accepting your partners flaws

“Change what can be altered, explain what can be understood, teach what can be learned, revise what can be improved, resolve what can be settled, and negotiate what is open to compromise.

Then determine to accept the rest.” ~Dr. James Dobson