Overwhelming Sovereignty - Acts 23

I am overwhelmed by God's sovereignty this morning. As I closed my Bible and blew out a long breath, I knew I had to go downstairs to get my laptop so that I could write this blog about what I am feeling after what I just read. But I didn't want to - for fear that the feeling would dissipate before I got back upstairs.

I just read Acts 23.

The apostle Paul's story reminds me of mine in some ways - he committed ultimate acts of complete and utter horror against God in his early life, endorsing the murder of Christ followers and standing firm on his belief that Jesus was not the Messiah. Until one day . . .

Isn't that how it always goes? All is well . . . until one day . . .

Similar to my life. All was well. Until one day when it wasn't. Wasn't. Because I had committed acts of sin after sin after sin against God. Turning my eyes toward myself instead of heaven. Following myself instead of Jesus. Thinking of myself instead of others. Self. Self. Self. All in the name of being mindful and good and helpful and (supposedly) caring. Paul was the same.

One day Jesus appeared to him in a brilliant light - so brilliant he was blinded for days afterward. And then his life changed. He believed.

After that one encounter on his way to Damascus, Paul's entire focus moved from self to God. God ordered him to travel to the provinces of the Roman empire and spread the Gospel news, and he was fearful that after he had spent so much time killing those whose views he now shared, he wouldn't be received. But God had been busy preparing hearts and told him to go. You can't really argue with God - I mean, look what happened when Jonah did. He ended up in the belly of a big fish for three days! Gross! God says, "You're gonna do it my way, or you're gonna do it my way. You choose."

So Paul went. Did he encounter adversity while doing God's work? Yes! Did he end up in jail a time or two? Yep. Did God tell him to keep going? He sure did. And Paul went. And thousands upon thousands of people became followers of Christ because of the work of this one sinner.

His story gets better though! Paul returns to Jerusalem, but not without warnings that his reception is not going to be pretty. Many Jews there are not happy with him. It's at this point where I'm not sure if God had been telling him to turn around and go to Rome straight away (Paul had received warnings by several Spirit filled messengers not to go to Jerusalem) or if Paul needed to go by way of centurion guard for some reason (I haven't finished Acts, but I will in a few days). Regardless, Paul did not heed the warnings and went to Jerusalem where he was taken into custody. It isn't until this point in the book where we really get to know Paul, though.

Honestly, I find the man amusing. He's so outspoken about his walk with the Lord, but do we really know THE Paul of Tarsus? No. Not really. Until he starts bla-bla-ing about his Roman citizenship, we think he is just another Jewish guy who got fed up with all this Jesus-talk and started working to put a stop to it. Paul doesn't reveal his Roman citizenship until the group of Jews who refuse to receive the Gospel beat him him (he'd already been stoned once in Acts 14 and left for dead, and then he just gets up and walks away), and he is rescued by centurion soldiers. The Jews are screaming for him to be killed, but the commander isn't really sure what to do with him. Roman's don't abide by Jewish law, and this was clearly a matter for Jewish leadership, not Roman government. And then Paul drops a bombshell on the commander. "Is it lawful for you to scourge a man who is a Roman, and uncondemned?" (Acts 22:25).

I can actually see the blood drain from the commander's face. The commander responds that it is expensive to become a Roman citizen, to which Paul replies that he was born a citizen (cue dramatic music). For those of you who don't know (and I didn't either, so don't feel bad. I had to research this bit of information), apparently those men (I say men because women didn't share all of the same privileges) with Roman citizenship get special privileges that non citizens do not get. For one - they are protected by the government and get to participate in this "self-government". They get to own property. AND they cannot be beaten, whipped, or sentenced to death.

Paul chose NOW to reveal this? Oh such a smart man. The fact that he chose this particular time to reveal his Roman citizenship was nothing short of the sovereignty of God. If he had traveled the provinces as a Roman preaching to Jews and Gentiles alike, his status may have hindered God's work. But God wasn't done with Paul yet, so it was at this time that He allowed Paul to make his Roman citizenship known. So the commander bound him in chains, not sure what to do with him, because he knew if he let Paul go, the Jews would kill him.

And right he was. After some witty remarks to the chief priest (scholars disagree on whether Paul was too blind to recognize him or whether he was making sarcastic jabs at the priests behavior), a band of forty Jews vowed to neither eat or drink until they killed Paul. I'm guessing they died of thirst and starvation because their plot was intercepted by Paul's nephew who went to the commander. At this point I think the commander was just done. He sent Paul, armed with a letter and two hundred soldiers to the governor who put Paul up in Herod's castle. And that's where I finished today.

But here's the kicker. God wanted Paul to go to Rome and spread the Gospel there. Jesus came to him at night (maybe in a dream? maybe not) and told him that he would be going to Rome. He just didn't realize it would be a chaperoned visit and that it would put him into Herod's palace first (Herod lived in Jerusalem, not Rome). It's kind of like in today's society - many random people don't have any social status or power to speak until they end up getting arrested or in the news for some reason. Maybe Paul needed a little boost for his ministry. Maybe he was disobedient and should have never gone back to Jerusalem in the first place. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

I couldn't help but look ahead, and sure enough, Paul makes it to Rome. His ultimate destination, according to the will of God. It took him years, but doesn't that happen frequently? By some miracle from God, with all of the dumb things we do, God allows us to decide how we are going to get where he wants us to be. He urges us and whispers to us, but ultimately we choose. Our choices make our story and our witness come alive. And sometimes it takes years.

Paul used his story over and over and over again to share the Gospel message. He was the ultimate sinner in his own eyes. I see that in myself. I defiled so many sacred rules, spoke against God, worshiped my own idols. Because of this, I can hopefully reach people who have done the same. Because of Paul's sin, he could connect with others who had chosen similar paths. Because of God's sovereignty, Paul was in the right place at the right time connecting with the right people. And because of this, his work - God's ultimate work - saved thousands.

Does the book of Acts call for socialism? I'm about to lose some more friends I think . . .

Let me just start this blog out right away by saying I'm not a republican. Nor am I a democrat. I am simply a woman who has prayed for understanding and for wisdom while making her way through life with a Bible in her hand. Recently I married a man whose entire being screams republican. I always identified as a democrat until our last election when both parties made me want to be sick with their immature back-and-forth. I see how terribly ridiculous Americans must look to other countries as tweets fly and scandals and cover-ups occur - and innocent people are used as pawns in this life-game of chess. It is at this time when I wonder when our entire country is just going to implode because of the greed and selfishness on every side.

This week I was brought to the book of Acts in the New Testament of the Bible. I've been wandering around the Old Testament since August, so I was grateful when I was pulled to a NT book. It took me one day, however, to start questioning why I was led to Acts.

One thing that jumped out at me pretty much immediately (Acts chapter 2) was the report of followers of Christ selling all of their possessions and giving them up to be distributed among those followers who were in need. It happens again in Acts 4, and this time I was seriously disturbed because I thought - well, this seems like scripture that a socialist could use to sway believers to their cause for socialism (or democratic socialism as we are calling it here in the good ol' US of A). But, even with my limited amount of history knowledge (I only minored in history for my undergrad), socialism didn't really work out for many countries because the scales tip too far left. What was I missing?

Here's the difference between what happened in the Bible and what is happening now. In Acts chapter 2 & 4, the people who were inspired to sell all of their possessions and bring them to the apostles to be distributed to those in need did so because they were filled with the Spirit of God and were drawn to helping their brothers in Christ. They did so of their own free will because their spirits of selfishness, envy, and greed were dissolved, and they no longer found satisfaction in worldly possessions. They chose to work together with other believers because God became their main source of life and happiness, and they broke free of their worldly desires.

It happens, friends. I've experienced a shift on a much smaller scale (yep, I still own a house and a car). The freedom is un-explainable.

Today's society, unless set free by God's perfect love, has no chance of surviving this forced compassion. Greedy people don't want to give up their things for others who are just as greedy - just less fortunate. Don't get me wrong, I'm not labeling 100% of the people in our country as greedy. But look around, friends. Look in the mirror. We all possess this ugly spirit of greed. There are things we just don't want to give up. Democrat, republican, independent, green, whatever party you want to identify with - there is not one political party who can claim selflessness - unless you're a party of one - Jesus Christ.

The difference between what we see in the time directly after Christ was resurrected and what we are seeing today is that (and if you read the book you'll understand this) is that there is no difference. This compassion and socialistic attitude happened WITHIN the body of Christ. Within the church! No WAY were the Jewish priests and leaders giving up THEIR possessions to help those less fortunate, and no WAY were any of the non-believing Romans doing it either! Today we see people within our church walls doing things for others with their time, talents, and money because God commands us to do so, and we know that through this giving we are more blessed than with our possessing. All of what we own has been given to us by our Father anyway, so giving it back or away is our duty, not our gift to others.

I'm selfish. I don't always give, and I certainly don't always WANT to give, but I, just like most of my brothers and sisters in Christ, am growing and learning. Like I said - it's not about politics, it's about love. It's not about being obligated or forced to have compassion for others. It's about God's commandment to care for His people. We have taken God out of the country's equation - even to the point of changing the pledge to the flag of this once-great country so that God no longer stands above it. Why in the world would we think that He is going to protect us if we cannot even honor Him while we pledge our lives to a piece of cloth? It has become no longer about Him, but about us. Because of this, no matter what we do or how we say it - we can't fake compassion for others. Period.

For there is no fear in love - and weight loss

1 John 4:18 says there is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out fear. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

I spent forty-one years of my life riddled with fear. My journey out of that abyss has been a long and treacherous one. I keep stumbling and falling backwards, but I’m slowly moving forward. Yesterday I discovered that something as trivial as weight loss can have remnants of fear attached to it. Not one experience I have had with weight loss (since I was ten) had a positive spin to it. Every time I struggled to lose weight or maintain weight lost, it was done out of fear that I would disappoint somebody else’s goals. That they would stop loving me or be disappointed in me because I was fat.

Yesterday my counselor brought this to my attention. She suggested that I haven’t been able to lose the weight because, for the first time in my life, I feel loved without that condition! And I cried in my car for fifteen minutes. Out of relief that I hadn’t lost my will and my drive. Out of anger for being stuck in that fearful mindset. Out of pain. Because I now know that I have allowed myself to be held prisoner to other people’s standards. Never had I ever lost weight out of obedience to God and out of pure respect for my temple.

I’m guessing it won’t be easier, but this is one more layer for me. The fear layer is being peeled back because the lie has been uncovered. God loves me. My sweet husband loves me. My babies love me. Two hundred pounds or one hundred twenty-five. I need to come up with a different excuse to be disobedient and disrespectful to my health. Or I need to lean into God’s love, fill those areas of fear with it, and let Him guide me through it.